When I was young I used to play a lot of football. In the park with jumpers for goalposts, in the street, in the playground – I couldnt be stopped.
A few years later and I stopped playing so much; not because I fell out of the game, but because *apparently* I wasnt much good. So I spent a lot more of my time playing football. From the subs bench. Watching hugely ineffective idiots chasing the balls around like flies around a moving dog toffee. Didnt they understand positional sense? Passing? Teamwork? Meh. When I come on, I will show them all and they will love me like their own.
Of course, I rarely, if ever came on and somehow the changing room experience isnt quite the same if you havent actually participated in the game. but still I would turn up every week, helping to put up the nets, helping to take them down, taking the kit to wash and lending my shinpads to the fat pikey who always left his behind every week (to be honest, I realise now that he probably never owned a pair and just relied on muggins here to share).
Anyway, in my dreams I always wanted to score the winning goal in a penalty shootout. But even I, with my vivid imagination never thought about taking a penalty like this….
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